


all that is or ever was or ever will be

by andromedaas



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: AU: Dark, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29850222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andromedaas/pseuds/andromedaas
Summary: When she opens them Zelda’s staring at her with concern, hand cupping her cheek. “I love you,” she whispers, burying her face into Zelda’s neck. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”“I know,” Zelda murmurs back.”(serva me, servabo te - to transcend galaxies again and again to hold zelda one more time)time-travel au that's kinda like Groundhog Day but also kinda not????????
Relationships: Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	all that is or ever was or ever will be

**Author's Note:**

> this is rough, I hate it but I'm gonna try to stick with it until the end so here goes nothing (oops)  
> I also have no clue what the end goal was here so it's very much idkkkkk but also :(

_Everything I do, I do for you. Say you understand, Lilith._

_I understand._

_-_

She’s been practicing tricks now, flashes of magic between her fingers, golden coins flipping between them. The children that walk into the bookstore love it, the little sparks she creates. She looks up, seeing Zelda in the corner talking to Hilda, warm cup of coffee clutched in her hands. There’s something fuzzy at the edge of her vision, a haze she cannot explain, cannot comprehend.

The horizon line is disappearing, fading from grey to silver to black. She looks at it and thinks _I have overcome this I have overcome him I have overcome her._ Something rushes over her, magical and mysterious, something with darkness in its core and Lilith has to take a step back before her view fades away.

She wakes in a same room she locked Faustus in, back when she trapped Lucifer in his body, a scream dying in her throat.

-

_Everything I do, I do for you. Say you understand, Lilith._

_I understand._

-

The transport is bumpy, shaking her to her core as Bathin drags her before Lucifer. He grins, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Lilith,” he murmurs, opening his arms wide as he rises from the throne and struts towards her. “I’ve missed you..” It takes everything in her power not to spit in his face, instead she keeps her gaze stony, unmoving, unreadable. Lucifer will take everything from her if she gives him the chance. So she’ll give him nothing.

Sabrina stands next to him, seated on the throne. Lilith meets her stare. _You died in Zelda’s arms_ , she thinks. _You died over the edge, and over again_ , and the ache in her soul worsens.

Lucifer slaps her across the face, hand staining skin red. “If you tell me nothing I will give you nothing in return.” There’s fingertips on her forehead and memories breaking through the surface of her skull. Zelda, dead, lungs spread too far out of her body, something too dark to be blood on her stomach. Hilda, fingers bent and misshapen, hole in her cheek so that her teeth shine brightly in the moonlight. Ambrose, one eye dangling out on a pulpy strand. “This is what you caused, _demoness_ ,” Lucifer spits out. “This is the price that you paid.”

He waves his hand and Bathin takes her back to her cell.

In the privacy of stone walls Lilith retches, nothing but acid and memories escaping her. She longs for conversation, for her children, for Andras to ride next to her again, for Raum to bring her the shiny treasures of kings, for Marax to tell her about the stars and their mysteries.

Lilith closes her eyes and longs for sleep, longs for this nightmare to be over so that when she wakes she’s in Zelda’s arms again.

She doesn’t know what universe she longs for more, what nightmare is easier on her; this one, with Sabrina alive and well but everyone she holds dear gone, or the one she remembers. The one with two headstones, two Sabrina’s, where Zelda is alive and smiles and mercilessly teasing Lilith about her addiction to Zelda’s taste.

She knows the answer before sleep overcomes her.

She knows she’ll murder Lucifer and Sabrina and whoever else dares stand before her just so she can have Zelda in her arms one more time.

-

_Everything I do, I do for you. Say you understand, Lilith._

_I understand._

-

He drags Zelda out the next time he summons her. She’s alive, alive but not alive, a ghost of the witch that Lilith remembers. She stays still, despite her longing to reach out and tangle her fingers into Zelda’s hair. To pull her close where no one can ever reach, closer still to where she’s outside of Lucifer’s influence.

Now there’s a snarl on her shadow that doesn’t belong to her, too feral, too fierce. It doesn’t belong on Lilith’s face anymore, not after Zelda lost Sabrina.

There’s something fuzzy at the edge of her vision, a haze she cannot explain, cannot comprehend.

The horizon line is disappearing, fading from grey to silver to black. She looks at it and thinks _I have overcome this I have overcome him I have overcome her._ Something rushes over her, magical and mysterious, something with darkness in its core and Lilith has to take a step back before her view fades away.

She wakes in the mortuary, a scream dying in her throat, Zelda splayed across her chest, soft breath tickling her face. She tightens her grip and shoves her nose into Zelda’s hair.

She hopes this is the real one.

-

_Everything I do, I do for you. Say you understand, Lilith._

_I understand._

-

She gets used to it, this cycle between worlds, between memories. Between Zelda’s softness, Zelda’s taste, the way Zelda feels beneath her tongue and the harsh, unyielding snarl on Lucifer’s lips.

She wonders if this is some leftover Eldritch Terror, a horror insisting on making her simultaneously live her best life and her worst nightmare all at once.

They start to blend together. Days beneath Lucifer where she catches Zelda’s smell, her hair stuck to her gown. Days next to Zelda where Lilith wakes up and sees the hole on her chest and the sheets are stained red and she squeezes her eyes painfully shut. When she opens them Zelda’s staring at her with concern, hand cupping her cheek. “I love you,” she whispers, burying her face into Zelda’s neck. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I know,” Zelda murmurs back.”

Later, after Zelda leaves Lilith rips herself from her shadow and pins it to the wall. “What do you want?” She demands, tears streaming down her face. Her shadow grins, captive magic threatening to tear Lilith’s body apart. Her shadow opens its arms wide, reaching out as if to embrace her.

“ _Everything_.”

Lilith can taste magic on her tongue, something so familiar to her and yet not familiar at all. “Who is doing this to me?”

Her shadow softens, breaks free of her hold and solidifies, walking across the room on naked feet, leaving a trail of rot and death behind her. Her shadow cups her cheek, so reminiscent of Zelda it makes stones drop in Lilith’s heart. Her own face stares back at her, younger, darker, a face that she left in the garden. “I thought I told you, Lilith. You’re doing this to yourself. Everything I do, everything you do, I do for you. Say you understand, Lilith.” Lilith stares at her younger self, bloodied and broken and bruised from Adam, realisation dawning in her eyes.

She gasps. Old magic, magic thicker than blood and shadows, magic that’s smoke in her hands. This creation, these realities, this dream. She created them herself, this nightmare is her monster. Her shadow grins at her, no love in her eyes, no hope stuck between her teeth. She was a violent creature, scorned by Adam, banished from the garden. Left to bury her children and watch as Eve walked free.

“I understand.”

“Good,” her shadow, the remnant of her past, holds out a hand. It’s not quiet solid, not quite there, but it’s cool and firm in Lilith’s hand. She is not dust, she is not bones, this creature from the garden who stands before her would strike at the heart, blight its enemies to their core. Lilith wonders if this is all a mistake, if grasping a hand that would not hesitate to kill will result in her own demise. She does it anyways. Her shadow bears her teeth, blood red against the spectre black of its body. “Let us begin.”

There’s something fuzzy at the edge of her vision, a haze she cannot explain, cannot comprehend.

The horizon line is disappearing, fading from grey to silver to black. She looks at it and thinks _I have overcome this I have overcome him I have overcome her._ Something rushes over her, magical and mysterious, something with darkness in its core and Lilith has to take a step back before her view fades away, her hand tightly grasped in her shadows.

She wakes in the garden, legs sticky, naked as the day she was created. Adam is next to her, asleep, unaware to her dilemma, oblivious as always.

This time, the scream doesn’t die in her throat.

This time, Lilith stumbles back, bile burning as she turns and retches into the bushes. The scream tears its way through her lips, animalistic and wounded.

There’s cool hands on her shoulders. “Remember,” her shadow whispers in her ear. “Everything I do, I do for you. If you want to fix this, you must stay, survive, become who you are. Say you understand, Lilith.”

Lilith falls to her knees in the garden, burdened with too much knowledge of the future and too much fear of the past.

“I understand.”


End file.
